Love Wins

A few years back it seemed lots of pastors in my life were getting pretty pissed off about this book. Personally, Rob Bell seemed too trendy for me to even approach. Well, I dove into this a few months back as it seems the Lord placed some big fans of him in our lives. Maybe you've read his stuff and know his poetry and prose set up. There are many responses to this book that really dissect his theology, but I was convinced one night to approach this differently, rather satirically which is not my norm. So here it goes:

Imagine the voice of Leonard Nimoy reading this.

Christians are part of the in crowd.
You didn't know that?
They are.
You are.

If you aren't in, you're out.
Or are you?

There is a lady who wrote about being spiritually "raped" by her father.
This happened in the way he prayed.
My sister and I agree my Grandma did the same to us.
She had a picture of people walking to heaven
over an abyss, by way of a cross.
Thus she raped us...spiritually.

The Bible is kind of intense.
It is confusing.
Often I like to play the devil's advocate and just leave it at that.
It is confusing.

Jesus probably wasn't all knowing.
The rich man was someone Jesus had heard about.
Must have been on the front page a lot.
It's not like Jesus knew his heart.

Life is now.
Heaven is now.
If you don't like righteousness, this life will be hell.

Clean water for the poor is most important.
That's what my church does.
I like to ignore Jesus' words about living water
to the Samaritan woman.

Christians are mean and lots don't believe or leave the faith
due to this.
They are like the popular kids.
Remember when I said that in the first chapter?

Heaven is more like purgatory here on earth.
Racists and rapists, well,
they might go to a hell.
If there is one.

I don't make children stumble.
My sin isn't a big deal.

String theorists are dope.
They are talking about all these dimensions to life.
Turn and burn Christians suck.

Hell is the bad we make this earth.
Jesus just meant being crushed by the Romans
when he mentioned hell.

I don't use A.D.
It's C.E., yo.

Sodom and Gomorrah will arise.
Jesus said it.
Who knows what "Satan" is.
I think that is representative of purification.
Yeah, Satan purifies us.

So, like I said, hell=evil.
Bad stuff.
Not a real place.
Don't be so fundamental.

If God condemns someone I wouldn't
he's really bad.
Not good.
God is not good if people go to hell.
People being tormented in hell isn't a good story.

God respects our choices.
Eminem is dope.
I went to a comeback concert of his.
He wore a cross.
It doesn't mean much.

What doesn't mean much?
Well, the cross.
No, both ways.

First, it's a cool thing to wear.
Second, it pisses me off when people have signs that say
"Jesus died for your sins".

This can no longer continue as I got bored of hearing a man's opinion, after the anger subsided, was repented of, and Paula and I agreed we should be praying for this man( I urge you all to do the same for him and anyone else who is getting caught up in serious false doctrines). So, I don't recall what page I made it to. 120? 

Sometimes he really nailed it. Also, I think there is a time to play devil's advocate, but I felt Rob just left it at that. 

I think I am going to post on his major philosophical weapon, used by many others. Grace and peace...truly.