Have you ever tried to teach/rebuke someone, only to realize you are a real hypocritical jerk, blinded with a timber in both eyes, needing the medicine more than the "sinners" you are trying to instruct in your lofty wisdom (and sickening pride)? I would like to introduce this topic with such a statement because of my own sin and struggle that is coming, gloriously, this evening.
I struggle with pride and you probably know that. When I look back at our wedding I can probably see my pride in its most hideous and outrageous state. Not only was I being given a bride I was completely undeserving of, I also suggested we have a sermon based on Luke 12 (Do not worry) because I thought everyone was worrying so much about our future and I wanted them to know that it was God in control. Sure, they all needed it, but I wish I could go back and really chew, meditate, and pray on the truth of that that I needed to hear.
I also struggle, big time, with worry. In my sinful pride I try to disguise this. Let me give an example. Maybe you can relate:
Paula: "Why are you anxious?"
Me, pacing back and forth: "I'm not anxious, why?"
Paula: "Wow, you are really anxious."
Me, after spilling a hot pizza's toppings all over my hand after pulling it out of the oven (which created a big blister I am now looking at): "No, I am just excited."
My dad saw it to, as I paced all over the house, driving him insane. My roommate saw it too, naming me "Shifty Danger Powers". My residents here at the refugee center saw it a few weeks back when the fire alarm went off at 4AM and I was left in a panic, even after I turned it off, opening the refrigerator and having dropped a huge bottle of ketchup (why was I even holding the bottle?). Someone said, "Hey Meester, cheell out." Hmm. Good point. Can you relate?
There is a good series of sermons on worry that we stumbled upon a few weeks ago: http://www.bethlehemlakeville.org/media.php?pageID=6&itemID=128 The sermons are the ones on leaving worry behind. As I listened to the first one in the series again tonight, I started jotting down some notes and I tried to connect the heart of the message to the scars of my own worry and the lessons God is showing me through it all.
Worry is fueled by fear. We want control, want to know that we are comfortable and that the seas will be calm for a while. That we will be able to retire. That we wont lose our job. That we wont get cancer. That we will graduate and get that teaching job. I realize this is pretty personal to some of you brothers out there. Some of you are going through some serious pain and I am praying for you.
The thing is, worry consumes us. We are invited to worry more by the world around us. Maybe its your mom, your friend, or someone who is horrified about you not having a plush retirement plan.
It is a real bugger. It really steals joy. It takes the place of faith. They fight for the same spot. What? The same spot? Yeah. That is something I missed for these last 27 years-- When we worry, we are giving our hearts to fear rather than to God (in faith). This sermon really made me think of this, look it up, repent of it, and find hope in a life vigilant of this truth.
Brothers, the Lord loves us. He created this universe. He provides for the birds. He adores you and gave His life for you. Furthermore, Jesus can sympathize with us here! Go to Him in prayer. Go to one another as well in these times.
Our focus of self will increase worry. The more we look at the extent of His love, and who He is, the truth Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom. ..For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
I plan on continuing this focus on worry for a bit. Seriously, I want to know your thoughts on this and materials/scripture/etc... you have found helpful. God bless you all! (That was Tiny Tim's shout out for you all) Grace, peace, and God's abundant mercy upon you all!
It's hard to deal with your own sinfulness. Especially when you 'know better'. You will always sin. Even though we take it seriously because it put our Savior on the cross we also have to get over the fact that we sin when it gets to the point that you were describing in your opening paragraph. It is no longer you who do it... Worry is my 'pet sin' I love it. I hate it. I try to think of every possible outcome to overcome, prevent, and prepare. I ultimately, consistently fall short or nothing happens. Not worrying is a faith thing, I've asked for it. Sometimes I start the spiral even when I've initially been at peace. With all things, time is needed. Time to learn, practice, and grow. It wasn't until after I quit using nicotine that I started making progress with not worrying. I hate that you beat yourself up so much. Brother we are all hypocrites. All day erry day even though we try not to be. Grace and peace. GRACE and PEACE! That is what we have been given! Don't overlook that fact repentant sinner. A sinner you'll remain until the day but you are covered. Grace and peace have replaced shame and turmoil. In this world you will have trouble but take heart for He who is and who was and who shall be has overcome the world! Not in a way that was expected or respected by the world but in a way that suites Him and what does that sacrifice present to the children of the Promise?
ReplyDeleteIt really is hard for me to deal with my own sinfulness, Truth. We really need to realize we are forgiven-- what we really believe in after all!
ReplyDeleteI am glad you mentioned something about nicotine. I gave up coffee for a while and that really helped...could probably afford to reduce my intake now.
Really, I maybe came off wrong in my writing this. I do recognize that we will always battle with sin. What I am trying to work through is a particular sin that I give into so much and that really affects my faith/trust/joy that's mine/the way I can love others. It robs me of what Christ has done for me. So I thought I would address it.
Did you listen to that sermon? It is pretty good. Give me a text, Spaeth.